Angry Pretentious Metalheads Are Funny
So as I’m sure everyone knows who browses the Internet for cool new bands, Metal-Archives is the joint to find anything you ever wanted to know about almost any band imaginable (at least those that “they” consider metal). Today while cruising through the website, I decided to check out my latest obsession in Protest the Hero and their newest album which came out a few months ago, Fortress. Upon checking out the reviews for the album, I came across one schmuck who gave the album a 4%. A 4%? Come on now dude, you don’t necessarily have to like it, but the skill this band has alone should cause your rating to go up. It’s hard to tell sometimes why people hate on music so hard, even bands that are so obviously not “nu metal” or unoriginal metalcore. I have met people like this in CD stores, at concerts and online, and it baffles me how fucking stupid some people can be. Anyway, don’t take my word for it, check out this guy’s profile and see for yourself, it’ll make you laugh and cry all at the same time.
Hello. You have come to my profile to see who the fuck I am after I posted a review you either agree or disagree with you.
My favorite styles of music are black metal, doom metal, death metal (worthy stuff), thrash metal (kind of picky, no Metallica bullshit) and neofolk. I also enjoy old school melodeath, you know, when the bands didn’t use all that slick production (i.e. Edge of Sanity, At the Gates).
I absolutely despise groove metal, nu-metal, metalcore/deathcore/scenecore (it’s all the same shit), power metal, hair metal, brutal/slam death metal, and so-called melodic “death metal”. Keep that shit far away from me.
Brutality is only effective if a band doesn’t completely rely on it.
Some of my all-time favorite bands include Darkthrone, Arghoslent, Esoteric, Thergothon, Demilich, Gorguts, Atheist, Incantation, Pestilence, Disembowelment, (old) Ulver, Bathory, Nokturnal Mortum, and Sigh. There’s many more as well…
Hate list:
Pantera – fucking worthless band of rednecks that made metal look like child’s play with their soulless and juvenile song writing
Testament – inconsistent and worthless kindergarten thrash
Dream Theater – focuses way more on showboating their “talents” instead of writing a decent song
Machine Head – trend-hopping fools that think they’re the next Metallica
Hatebreed – nothing more than jumpdafuckup nu-metal for people that want something that’s more br00tal
I’d add more but fuck that for right now.
Devin Townsend is NOT a genius. He’s a pretentious fuckwad that pulls his music out of his ass.
This is the very definition of an angry pretentious metalhead. Only death metal that is worthy? No Metallica bullshit? This guy has to be 13 or so. Who calls Hatebreed jumpdaduckup music? Does he realize that these guys, along with Overcast more or less invented metalcore? What a lameass. Who says jumpdafuckup anymore anyway? Elitist metalheads coined that almost ten years ago to deal with their broken ego’s over the rising tide of nu-metal. Anybody who says that strikes me as an immediate poser and should re-evaluate the music they seem hellbent on criticizing. Feel free to copy and paste this to send to your elitist metal buddies so they can see how much of an asshole they sound like sometimes.
Sequoia Throne is such a sick song…and Palms Read. The whole album really…and the clean vocals are well-done.
I love close-minded Metalheads! I find that most of them are part of the younger generation but there is always that older fan (by that I mean my age in the mid-30s) that refuses to give in to any trends. While I give them credit for their opinions and preferences, I like to hear their reasons why they have these opinions, etc. These are some of the better explanations I’ve heard:
“Because <> sucks!”
“Because <> is the best!”
“Because I don’t like what everyone else likes.”
“You suck” or “Fuck off”
That last one usually comes when I intelligently discuss or ask questions. This just happened to me in the parking lot at the Iron Maiden show a week ago. I was talking to some people and they told me Iron Maiden was the greatest band of all time and that I sucked because KISS was my favorite band. When I asked them why they thought Maiden was the best ever I got the following response from them…..
“Because they are.”
Intelligent, don’t you think? These same ultra-Maiden fans couldn’t name the current band, had no idea who Paul D’ianno was, and couldn’t name an album after Fear Of The Dark (1993). You would think that these guys were all young teens but they weren’t, they were dudes that were my age and older, seasoned veterans of the scene! Lucky for them Maiden played nothing past FOTD or they would have been lost!
Steve
Heavy Metal Addiction
http://hardrockheavymetal.wordpress.com/
Yeah. I love the crusty metalheads that won’t listen to anything but Judas Grease, Sabbath, Maiden, Metallica… ridiculous.
Steve, it’s hard to believe that supposed die hard Maiden fans don’t know who Di’Anno is. Did they ever stop and wonder why the first two albums sound absolutely nothing like Dickinson? Ridiculous. Anyway, despite them giving you lip, I’m glad you put them in their place.
Personally, it doesn’t matter what genre (that’s just a way for bands, fans, and critics to pigeonhole music into convenient sound bites) music is, as long as the music is good (and that’s subjective to the listener). Arbitrarily slamming bands just because they don’t conform to a particular idiom when they are creating music that people want to hear is the height of ignorance and stupidity. Music is music and that’s what people like this are denying themselves by boxing themselves in just to appear more brutal than someone else. How juvenile.
The worst kind of metalhead to me is the angry, close minded, pretentious asshole metalhead that thinks he’s better than everyone else because he listens to shitty bands that almost no one has heard of.