Cody’s Drunk St. Patrick’s Day Opinion of 2009: Crazy German Lyrics!

So it’s Tuesday night, and I am incredibly buzzed after consuming Sam Adam’s incredibly tasty take on Belgian White Ale. I just have to say that as a connoisseur of white ales, I think Sam Adams as seriously struck gold with their brew. It’s fuckin tasty! Anyway, in my drunk up too late on a work night yet surprisingly coherent posting, I am going to write about why German metal is so God damn cheesy.

Take Edguy for example, these guys on their last couple of albums have thrown out some absolutely crazy lyrics that mean next to nothing. “Lavatory Love Machine?” For Christ sakes Germans, give us Americans at least a fighting chance to absorb your music! Sure you have groups likew Heaven Shall Burn which take a more modern approach to music, but when you throw around bands like Helloween who are much more traditional power metal, you are asking for trouble. Pink Bubbles Go Ape? Who comes up with an album title like that? Granted, some of the lyrics to many German melodic metal songs are probably lost in translation, but there are just some songs that are so off the fucking deep end it creates a damn tsunami effect when the tide comes back in! (edit: I don’t even know what that means, but right now, it just makes sense to me so please roll with it)

I could potentially be motivated enough to research this topic further and provide evidence, but I am drunk, so I don’t currently give a fuck beyond asking Tobias Sammet where he got his friggin acid. How can you possibly go from doing a fairly straight up group like Avantasia to writing something like “Trinidad” for Edguy? Lrt’s give you a little taste of what I mean:

“Bitch you’ve gone straight of into the…
And now the bitch has gone insane
I’m gonna run away, balling over, getting hell
And found the answer on a plane”

What the shit? Is there some deep philosophical meaning to this or did Tobias and crew eat too many pto brownies whilst recording and producing this cartoon epic? I happen to greatly enjoy Rocket Ride but good lord is it weird! And you knows what’s even weirder? Fuckin the last Ayreon album! But those guys are Swedish, and I am not even going to touch that right now. Alright….I am done, hasta luego bitches.